What is happening with me?!
I can’t think straight.
I can’t write.
I can’t do anything right.
I feel sore.
Uncontrolled.
Alone.
I feel so wrong.
Is this jealousy?
I don’t think so.
Is this lack of trust?
Maybe.
I just don’t feel ok.
And I hope to be better.
With or without…
…
For two decades, struggles and bliss filled each day of my life.
The dawn of March 19, 1988 marked the beginning of all my treasured experiences, the start of my own adventure, my own fairy tale. As a child, I believed in fairy tales, true love, and a happy ended life. I always thought that I’m a princess that gave up her castle, kingdom and wealth to experience the real life. I deeply believed in that fantasy but not up to this moment of my existence. However, I am happy and contented that I experienced what real life has to offer to a lass- laughter or tears, or both.
When I reached the age of 18 I already considered myself an adult since I already learned that life may be enjoyed but there are consequences. As the youngest, I was spoiled by my family, but in school I learn that not everything is within my reach. During my elementary years I consider myself as the top of the batch but it all changed when I met more intelligent or seemingly intelligent people in highschool. However in college, I learned about the multiple intelligence of everyone and I also learned to appreciate those bright individuals found outside the classroom.
Starting from elementary I was trained to be a leader. But my trainings felt less if I would reminisce my term as the president of my organization in college. Even if I learned so much by everything that happened, I know that there are more things that should be learned and it would never end.
But now that more than two hundred months have passed after birth, I started to feel like I have not really grown or learned so much. Same errors, same mistakes, same problems are still to be faced. In one way or another, I feel that I am a bit ready.
I was raised in a province and in a family who are conservative. They never failed to remind me that I need to grow up or at least act properly with my age. Even if they see me as a child I claim that I am a woman by thought. I am a woman in the sense that I know my rights and I fight for it. This was most influenced by my mentors in the University. And with that, I can proudly express by worth as a woman.
A child, a feminist, a leader and a lot more are who I really am. However, there are times when I feel jerked by my own actions. This is the immature part of me that clings to my being more than before. Childish actions never separate itself to my name, femininity will always be my dream and awkwardness will always be a part of my feelings. Age or aging doesn’t really change a being- at least it applies for me.
For my friends, they always see me smiling and happy- I am. For my family they observe me as obedient and loving- I am. For my classmates they think that I am poised and unfriendly- I am. For strangers I am a no one- I am. For someone I am the one- I am. What you see is what you get.
One of the most influencing factors in my behavior is the place where I came from. As a Bikolana I am the type of a woman who might be perceived weak in the outside but in reality I am strong. I face challenges firmly rooted on the ground even if it entitles me to reach high. I also love almost everything that is “hot”- whether it is the food or in my type of men. 
I also have weaknesses but I use them as my strength.
Growing up in a place where God is the center of everything made my college life in UPLB a lot difficult because I had to accept the presence of deviating facts, unsatisfied questions and non-existing answers. A sudden change in my environment compliments the semi-stagnant life before. And this change helped me be a better person who can cope up with different situations.
Just like all the princesses portrayed in fairy tales, my family is the most important for me. My friends are the source of strength and the future keeps my hopes up. My mentors taught me abstract ideas but it’s still up to me how I could interpret them.
With many things that happened to me since 1988, I may not remember all of them but what happened to me is the reason why I look forward to the future. Each day that passed are my stepping-stone of who I will be in the future.
As many fairy tales, mine also has an end. The conclusion of my life is something that I am not looking forward to see. The pleasure of living fascinates me so much that ending it will only mean tragedy. But I am holding on to the idea that there will always be a reason for everything. I force myself to believe in it because it’s something inevitably true.
Everything can happen. Everything has a reason. Everything ends- even something as bitter sweet as my life.
Being born at his eight month, Huey can be considered as a miracle baby because he was very strong, but a few days after his birth, he was taken to the hospital because his pee is too little, so he was circumcised and was put on an incubator after. Everything went okay until his seventh month when his grandmother noticed that Huey can’t support his head and body when he is trying to lie face down. He was taken to the doctor, tests were conducted, and the greatest test to Huey’s family came when the doctor said that their little angel has a developmental disorder—cerebral palsy.
The incidence of cerebral palsy is approximately two 2 to 4 individuals for every 1000 births and studies have shown that at least 5,000 infants and toddlers and 1,200 to 1,500 preschoolers are diagnosed with cerebral palsy each year in the United States today. What if your child is the next Huey?
According to a publication of the National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities, cerebral palsy (CP) is a term used to describe a group of chronic conditions affecting the body movements and muscle coordination. The Alfred Dupont Institute’s (ADI) website says that CP is also used to describe the motor impairment resulting from brain damage in the child regardless of the cause of damage or its effect on the child. The same site stated that CP is caused by damage to one or more specific areas of the brain which usually occurs during fetal development or during infancy although it can also occur before, during or shortly following birth.
According to the Springfield Shriners Hospital’s website, cerebral refers to the brain and palsy to a disorder in movement or posture which also means that because of an injury to their brain (cerebral) persons with CP are not able to use some of the muscles in their body in the normal way (palsy).
According to Ms. Criselda Preciosa L. Salang, a physical therapist registered in the Philippines (PTRP) and the chief physical therapist of the Center for Holistic Intervention Plans and Services, Inc. in Diliman, Quezon City, (CHIPS-Diliman), “basically, cerebral palsy is a disorder of posture and movements due to a lesion to the immature brain”. She also stated that the motor problem is due to the injury to the brain while the brain of the child has not matured yet. During the interview, she added that, “normally, the injury is low oxygen in the brain caused by irradiation during pregnancy, prematurity, maternal infection, prolonged labor, respiratory obstruction in the baby while in labor or traumatic injury before two years old.”
For the National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities, the simplest answer to the question of what the cause of cerebral palsy is because of brain damage, but there are many possible reasons why children can sustain brain damage. In many cases, no one knows for sure what caused the brain injury or what have been done to prevent it but some research has proved that medical mistakes are responsible for thousands of CP cases. ADI’s website stated that premature infants have slightly higher incidence of cerebral palsy although it may also occur during early infancy as a result of cerebral injury caused by illness, head injury that results in subdural hematoma, blood vessel injuries and many others.
According to PTRP Salang, the problem with CP which makes it different from other motor impairment is their muscle tone or the continuous state of mild contraction of muscle. “Children with CP are normally hypertonic or spastic where the muscle is so stiff that the patient cannot move freely… There is also a type of CP is where there is muscle fluctuation, sometimes they [the children with CP] are floppy, sometimes stiff. The people of this type have a hard time moving and maintaining positions like squatting, sitting quadruped or standing,” explained PRTP Salang when asked what the different types of CP are.
In addition, the ADI’s cerebral palsy program says that there may be partial or full loss of movement (paralysis), sensory abnormalities, and defects of hearing and vision although there may also have difficulty in sucking or feeding, irregular breathing, and delayed development of motor skills such as, reaching and sitting. National Institute of
Neurological Disorder and Stroke’s website recognizes that speech abnormalities are common and seizures may occur as well as intellectual function may range from extremely bright normal to severe mental retardation. These symptoms are said to be usually evident before age two and in severe cases, may appear as early as three months.
CP is neither progressive nor communicable says the publication of the National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities and it is not hereditary or contagious; nor does it get worse. Although children with very mild CP occasionally recover by the time they are school-aged, CP is usually a lifelong disability. In most cases sited at the National Institute of Neurological Disorder and Stroke’s website, the movement and other problems associated with cerebral palsy affect what the child is able to learn and do to varying degrees throughout their life.
The website of Springfield Shriners Hospital stated that there are risk factors for cerebral palsy but these risks may not be the direct cause of CP but a variable that could increase the possibility of occurrence of CP. According to the same site, it is a risk for CP when the mother is 40 years old or older, a father and mother of 20 years old or younger, low birth weight, premature infant or when one of the twins dies.
“Huey’s doctor told me that CP is a lifelong disorder and that long term care may be required. His development still varies,” quoted Mrs. Diane Miraballes, Huey’s mom. According to PTRP Salang, “You cannot treat it [CP]. You can only manage it and maximize the independence of the child with CP.” She also added that nothing could be done at the lesion at the brain but the physical manifestations and mental impairments can be managed through physical, occupational, or speech therapy. PTRP Salang also emphasized that although there is no cure for cerebral palsy yet, ongoing management is critical for the child to reach maximum functional, social, and emotional well-being.
The individualized treatment for cerebral palsy of Springfield Shriners Hospital may include home programs, medication, special education, family services or in rare cases, surgery is used to reach the child’s maximum potential.
Medically speaking, early intervention is what PTRP Salang recommended as the best way to manage CP. She also added that the parent should be actively involved in the management and therapy of the child, giving them the physical, financial, and emotional needs of their child because delaying the needs of the child would worsen the situation.
“Acceptance is the first thing that parents should do when they have a child with CP,” PTRP Salang also stated. It is difficult for parents to accept that there is something wrong with their child but the situation would be a lot harder for the child if he/she does not feel accepted. Mrs. Miraballes have quoted that the parents should not try to look for something or someone to blame rather they should think of the situation as a gift.
“Patience is a must,” as to what PTRP Salang said when asked what the most important thing that the parents should have. Mrs. Miraballes also agreed that parents like her should really be patient waiting and supporting their child since the therapy is slow and the improvement period takes time.
“The parents should learn about CP because the more you know, the more you can help your child,” said PTRP Salang. According to the National Institute of
Neurological Disorder and Stroke’s website, loving and playing with the child also helps especially when the child is treated not as a child with disabilities. For Mrs. Miraballes, keeping her hopes up is also needed for improvement to be more appreciated. She also commented that the recent technologies can also offer to better enhance the process and even make it faster. “But the most powerful one is the acceptance of the truth and hoping for improvement,” quoted Mrs. Miraballes.
The cerebral palsy program of the Alfred Dupont Institute says that all disabled people are impaired and all handicapped people are disabled. But a person can be impaired while not necessarily being disabled. Also, a person can be disabled without being handicapped. Children with cerebral palsy are not handicapped. Even with some impairment, they still are part of the society and they can contribute to it. They need to be understood and respected by other people, the people who are not impaired, disabled or handicapped of understanding them.
By Donna Dawn Vibar
Social science explains that gender is something that the society creates. It is not just hereditary and biologically modified. The people around us create who we are, how we should act and who we shall be. Gender is something that is not only biological but also social.
This is something that the past holds against the present society women are living in. Because of socialization, what the situation of the women in the past, it is also expected from the women in the present to behave that very same way. So the question for the women of today remains: Do women should live by the past or is it time for the influence of the women be made felt?
Maria Lorena Barros, an activist during the Martial Law Period, effectively defined the very epitome of what a woman of today should be. She calls for some realization from the women that there is already a great need for women’s ideas, involvement and actual action. Traditions are not fully be cast off since all that she asks for is participation of and for the women.
Traditions are present for guidance but not as rules. In a Filipino family, we only view women as adjuncts of the home—for the children, for the kitchen and for the bed. Tradition will always be a tradition. It shouldn’t be fully eradicated from the lives of the people. What is wanted is more active involvement of the Filipino women in the events happening in their own society. Everyone can contribute and in this sense, women should do so. They can also help formulating ideas for the betterment of their country, help in doing it, and attaining their goals. Women should not let themselves be boxed up in their family alone. If something can be done, it is only right to do it. Talent and power would simply go to waste if not used.
In our economy, women are not given due recognition. In the workplace, in schools and offices, we see women but they do not actually move. Rights are only read in papers but not seen in action. In marriage, women’s whole personality is eradicated, starting from her family name alone down to her career. In cases where the wife works, it is only because she has to augment the family budget. Discrimination in importance and compensation is obvious.
Maria Clara is the model of young women. It is instilled to the youth that the behavior of a lady is summed up in the behavior of Maria Clara. But what are her supreme qualities? Submissive, a quiet, unresisting, and non-protesting acceptance of her sad life, a weakling in short is who Maria Clara is. These are the qualities of the women of the past. In their time it is only applicable, but not today.
A new Filipina is a militant, educated, smart, active and respected. A new Filipina knows how to carry herself in the midst of protest and chaos. She has learned the real situations in the streets thus she knows how to handle them. She works for herself and stands for her rights. She is not the one who seeks help from others instead; she helps others on her own.
The Philippines already faced many challenges. Changes have been felt by the country. It is only time for the women to go with these changes. Women are needed by the society more than ever. It is only time for women-in-action be the new model of the young. It is only time for us to witness a change in history where women are part of the making of history. Women play their own distinct role, by themselves, for the people in general.
by Donna Dawn Vibar
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, why is it that the ideal body of most women looks like a skeleton?
Beauty is said to be relative- that it changes through time, varies among cultures, and depends on the standards of different people. But magazine pages, TV shows, roadside billboards and other media are filled with models with narrow hips, ample bossom, long legs, and skinny waist. People are also exposed to celebrities like Angelina Jolie with her perfect lips, Jenifer Lopez and her full-shaped behind, and picture perfect bodies of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Models, and celebrities alike, portray the epitome of perfect body. What kind of girl would not want to look like them? They are beautiful, famous, thin, and successful.
Our culture has changed its ideal image of feminine beauty over time. Beauty may remain to be in the eye of the beholder, but in the eyes of the society, thin is the standard of beauty. Thin is in.
Barbie dolls syndrome
At a young age, girls are already exposed to the pressure of being physically perfect. The childhood toy Barbie, having 38-18-24 vital statistics, have been very popular among kids that it became one of the best selling toys in the world. Not only were Barbie dolls accused of setting the negative stereotype for children, it has also influenced young girls’ view of what to consider attractive. Barbie has everything little girls dreams of- beach house, complete set of wardrobe, and a gorgeous guy with her. The subtle yet powerful image that this conveys to the people is that if a person can get the body, she will also get the guy. Perfect body, plus luxurious lifestyle, equals a handsome boyfriend.
When Barbie dolls are already hidden on a box
As girls grow older, they set new criteria of female beauty. They are exposed to eye-catching models seen in magazines, television, films, and advertisements. The media is the reflection of what kind the society is. But in the case of women’s body, studies show that the media does not only present what the society is- it actually shapes the societal perception of the ideal female body.
Generally, people buy things that are useful for them. Women buy magazines thinking that they can get tips on how to improve their life and hoping that magazines would help them have a better body.
An example of magazine bought by women is the Cosmopolitan. It features articles concerning the latest fashion, beauty tips, dieting and exercising. It also deals with issues regarding boys, sex and other related topics. “Through magazines, I learn that there are many ways to be more beautiful,” said Lizcel Magsino, a collector of different magazines working at San Miguel Corporation. “Magazines have beauty tips on how to maintain your beauty through various ways- cosmetics, proper diet, etc.”
Fashion magazines also serve as the trend setter for women. Ro Anne Jervoso, a college student said that “Magazines help me see what stuffs are pleasant for the eye.”
Magazine’s not so entertaining side
According to Mimi Nichter, the author of the book, Fat Talk: What Girls and Their Parents Say About Dieting, “Magazines are hazardous because articles and advertisements become instruction manuals on what to look like, how to look that way and why one should look like that.”
Nichter conducted a series of interviews asking teenage girls what they perceive is attractive, and the results showed that being thin and beautiful equals a perfect life. Her study also revealed why the cliché of tall, beautiful, and skinny models, surrounded by attractive men, are rampant on advertisements. The product they are actually promoting may be directed towards women, but the message that is delivered towards the viewers is that getting thin body is the key to getting his body.
Research by Professor Steven Thompson of Brigham Young University supports the view that “The media are reinforcing a cultural preference for thinness that is redefining the image of female attractiveness.”
Fantasy versus reality
Social expectations of female body types have become increasingly rigid, and unrealistic. Fashion models seen in magazines plays up a role why women experience body dissatisfaction. Women thus learn to judge their bodies by unhealthy, unrealistic, and unobtainable standards.
Body image is described by Marcia Hutchinson, the author of the book, Transforming Body Image, as how a person perceives their physical appearance, how they feel about their body, and how they think others view them. Body image influences behavior, self esteem, and people’s psyche or the way they think of themselves. If people constantly push to reshape their bodies, their sense of self becomes unhealthy. Unfortunately, the media promotes an unnatural body type, making it difficult for many people to draw the line between what is ideal and what is achievable.
Thin = Happiness
When magazines present to its viewers the images of skinny women, they send a message to its readers, that unlike the models, they are not pretty or skinny enough. Also, the models portray the impression that they are happy and they get all the things they want. This gives the readers the idea that happiness can be equated with being thin. Therefore, some feel that if they are not thin, then they are not happy.
Simply put, the media associates thinness with desirableness. With these messages in mind, people are affected by the perception of the society of a woman’s body. So, they resolve to different techniques to lose weight hoping to have a body that the society considers to be beautiful. Some over exercise, modify their diet, or sometimes, crash dieting, fasting, forced vomiting, while others do pathogenic weight control practices.
Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa sadly are the results of the media’s interpretation of women.
Anorexia what?
Anorexia nervosa as defined in the mamashealth.com is, “an eating disorder where people starve themselves.” Anorexics have an intense fear of being fat so they resolve to different techniques hence, they won’t gain weight. Some of the common techniques stated at the same website are excessive exercise, intake of laxatives and not eating at all.
People with anorexia continue to think they are overweight even after they become extremely thin, are very ill or near death. The symptoms of this disorder are anxiety, weakness, brittle skin and shortness of breath due to the decrease amount or lack of vitamins and nutrients needed by the body. An anorexic also becomes too obsessive about her calorie intake.
There are many medical risks associated with anorexia which includes shrunken bones, mineral loss, low body temperature, irregular heartbeat, permanent failure of normal growth and development of osteoporosis and bulimia nervosa.
Another eating disorder common among women is bulimia nervosa. The biggest difference between anorexia and bulimia is that people suffering from bulimia eat large amounts of food and then throw up. This is called binge and purge. Anorexics do not eat large amounts and throw up while bulimics do.
Bulimia is defined as “a psychological eating disorder characterized by episodes of binge-eating followed by inappropriate methods of weight control.” The methods of weight control may include vomiting, fasting, enemas, excessive use of laxatives and diuretics, or compulsive exercising. Binge eating is usually a response to depression, stress, or self esteem issues and not of hunger then overeating and purging becomes an obsession and is becomes a cycle.
Medical complications as a result of bulimia includes erosion of tooth enamel because of repeated exposure to acidic gastric contents, dental cavities, sensitivity to hot or cold food, swelling and soreness in the salivary glands from repeated vomiting, stomach ulcer and rupture, electrolyte imbalance and dehydration. There is also a greater risk for suicidal behavior since the bulimic has low self esteem.
What you see may not always what you get
More and more women, exposed to the idea of having a model-like body, desire to look like one. What the media conveys may not always be what the society actually is, but more often than not, it is what the society wanted to see. The line between fantasy and reality may be skewed by the media, but the people display that they also wanted to live in the world of fantasy. Everything is just a matter of perspective and all that is needed is proper understanding.
Stop and be critical
Several steps are recommended to minimize the notion, what is thin is beautiful, in a journal entitled The Thin Standard: Effects on Body Image by Kendra Slatkavitz of Clemson University. She said that media should be more responsible in depicting extremely thin women as role models.
As for the readers, Slatkavitz recommended that they need to be taught to be more accepting that bodies are all shapes and sizes. People also need to be critical of whatever they are reading and be open to the thought that what they read may not always be right. There should be an increase education about eating disorders and its effects to the body of a person.
“There are still things in life that are not perfect but still beautiful,” said Karla Legazpi, a college student shared as she tells that she doesn’t make the model-like bodies as her standards of beauty.
Mary Grace Amulong, also a college student and a collector of fashion magazines shared that there was a point in her life that her view of beauty turned a 180 degree but in time she learned that “It’s the model’s job to be virtually pretty. What they are showing is nothing close to crisp reality.”
“What matters most is what’s inside” may be a cliché but the truth in it is not lessen. Amulong disclosed that, “My general values for one’s body- inner beauty, self-confidence, and personality- were rocked but not moved.
The bottom line
An active lifestyle that is proactive to a positive image may possibly preserve a person’s body image and counteract the negative effects of magazines.
People simply need to accept everything about them and understand that physical imperfections are natural and unavoidable. There can be ways to improve one’s self image but the healthier way is better.
With proper education and understanding, women will look at the mirror in a different way. Girls may not be as skinny and beautiful as Barbie, and ladies may not be as unblemished and perfect as the mannequins along the mall, but they have a body that can move and help others, and a life to cherish with friends.
